I came to the realization tonight that I’ve got the epitome of the first-world problem: I want all the things.
I want a $2,500 DJ mixer. Do I do enough DJing to justify it? No. Is my current mixer broken? Also, no.
I want a ~$500-on-ebay vintage TTM57SL DJ mixer. Will I use it more than a handful of times as a proof of concept? No. Am I being paid to use it in some capacity? Also no.
I want a pair of CDJs – not the new ones, but like, 10-year-old ones. Also not being paid to use them.
I want a pair of the obscure Technics CD player / turntable hybrid that never took off. Where am I even putting all this vintage DJ gear that NOBODY IS PAYING ME TO USE?!?
I want a $2,000 Yaesu HAM radio. Is my current HAM radio broken? No. Am I being paid to use it in some capacity? Also no. Does it have features my current HAM radio doesn’t? Yes…but my antenna limitations severely limit how useful the radio will actually be.
I want a second one of those $2,000 HAM radios for my car.
I want one of those MIDI keyboard controller things to use for making music. I’d basically be relying on HAL9000 to hold my hand through the process of making music, because I don’t possess that skill set – it’d just be AI generated music with extra steps and Yet Another Peripheral.
I want new video editing software. I still haven’t made a video project with the LAST video editing software I purchased.
I want a new phone…and I don’t even know which one at the moment, and my current phone is only a year old, and whichever one I buy will be bought with the express intent to run the same software so I’ll barely feel the difference…
I want at least three different power tools – to perform construction that I don’t do.
I want a new graphics card…even though I don’t do much local AI stuff, and my current graphics card (less than six months old!) plays all my video games just fine…
I want a new-to-me car (this one IS at least somewhat justifiable).
I want to go on at least three vacations off the top of my head.
I want at least five video games that I know I won’t have time to play because I have at least a hundred other video games in my Steam library that I’ve never played.
It’s so, SO easy to just end up with a case of the “gimmes”. I’m actually grateful to my parents, because the last time I was in a local store that sold a ham radio, it was a $20 walkie-talkie variant, and I was like, “I want it…but for no reason, because I have FIVE different walkie-talkie style radios, and I barely use any of them, I don’t need a sixth, even though it’s $20…” – impulse buys are just so easy to succumb to. My parents demonstrated the “don’t spend money you don’t have” ethos so wonderfully that I’ll generally be more likely to get a stuff animal for my wife before I buy myself something, because I’ve at least been self-aware enough to sense the pattern: at the end of the day, I think I still have a bit of an inner four year old – I want a toy that I’ll play with for a day or two, then let it sit in a bin somewhere as Just Another Piece Of Clutter.
What’s got me really confused is: WHY do I want this stuff? It’s not really marketed to me (except the video editing software), I don’t feel any real peer pressure about it (even my fellow hams don’t have some sort of conformity expectation where we all have the expensive radio), I know I won’t use most of it, I know it’s way smarter to avoid drowning in debt than to end up with a pile of crap that represents enough money for a new car. As much as I want all of it…I almost don’t want it?
…and this is why I’m so confused – I want a bunch of stuff that I sort of want, but not really, and i know that if I get it, I’ll never get my money’s worth, even in enjoyment. The best I can figure, is that the desire is based in greed, and it stems from something even more insidious – a desire to be sufficiently wealthy that I can buy something I know I won’t use and still have no problem making all of my bills, and then some.
…and this, my friends, is why I think that Jesus said “you can’t serve both God and money”. As much as there have been no shortage of ‘pastors’ who have been problematically focused on guilting people into donating to their organization, I think the reason why God says “Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house. Test Me in this, says the LORD of Hosts. See if I will not open the windows of heaven and pour out for you blessing without measure”, is because generosity is the antidote to incessant acquisition.
Even if you do not identify as a Christian in any capacity, the reality is that an abundance of money amplifies who you are. A generous person will be more generous with more money. A greedy person will buy increasingly useless things with more money. If I prioritize my own pile of crap over choosing to help others, I’ll have a pile of crap that won’t be worth anything after just a few years. There is an Instagram channel where the owner gets photos and videos from viewers who’s parents have piles of crap that are completely useless. Massive collections of tchotchkes and “limited edition” merchandise that their children can’t GIVE AWAY is the result of such spending.
My niece and nephew will already have boxes of cables and computer parts to sort through. When I get called to glory – hopefully, many, MANY years from now – may I leave them with a legacy of generosity and sensibility, instead of a pile of junk that I used twice on its way to a landfill.
